Living Life

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Motivated.. or not?

I thought I didn't care... and that what you said wasn't going to have any sort of negative impact on me...and that I knew why I was comin to class... and I didn't need any motivation from you... I was self motivated.. but I was wrong.. funny how words can keep repeating themselves in your head... maybe I do need motivation ... or at least ...I don't need "de-motivation" !!

I've been trying really hard... and I'm doing it with two intentions(niyyahs)...
1. To learn how to recite Quran the correct way.. so that am able to read it and feel that am doing it right almost like the Sheikhs, and get closer to Allah by doing that... and
2. To be able to teach it later on to people whose native tongue isn't Arabic... we have a lack of "mo7afezaat" here in Alex who understand English and can explain tajweed in English.. wanted to get the reward (ajr) of doing that..

So I was motivated... only had 7 classes and could already feel the improvement in myself... you even told me so by the 4th class...see?... you "motivated" me... you told me I was getting better and you could hear the difference... why did you do what you did last class then? After half the class had recited (and many hadn't learnt their part well.. and you had to repeatedly correct them)... it was my turn... you only corrected me once in one of the last Ayahs...I said it all right ..you couldn't hear any mistakes except for that tiny thing in the end... and so ... what do you say?... do you tell me first that I did a good job... that I sort of perfected my tajweed this time...no ... you go and tell me that my tone was monotonous.. and that you want more "feeling" in it.. and that it seems I don't understand what I'm saying !!!! OH-MY-GOD !! I am flabbergasted and gob-smacked!! I mean you could say that coz you want me to be even better... but you could at least have given me credit for not making mistakes!! No? Besides you're the one who told us to focus now on saying it right and that later on we'd be able to play around with our voices... FYI I only recite that way in class for you..so that you can hear all the a7kaam clearly.. when I pray it's different...

I didn't want to embarrass you in class and tell you that though... so even when the class started objecting and saying "but she has a nice voice etc"...I was like "thanks .. Jazakom Allah khayran".. but I think I know what R means... but I'm going to talk to you aside next class inshAllah... I teach, y'know.. and I've seen the difference between the performance of motivated students who've been encouraged.. and that of demotivated students who feel they'll never be good enough...

I think you've got to be more careful.. you never know how the words you choose to say may affect your students...

7 Comments:

At 4/22/2007 02:20:00 PM, Anonymous nesrina said...

What motivation would you want dear ..
When you learn tajweed and Quran recitation for the sake of teaching it.
When you inspire and encourage others to do the same as they read your posts.
When you point at the light though darkness and prove that still good people who work, learn and aim for god’s reward and make it a big deal.
Your posts are motivating, thanks… Jazaki Allah 7’eir thawab not only motivation.

 
At 4/23/2007 10:39:00 PM, Blogger Safiya said...

Alhamdulilah you're back.

You're such a sweet girl and I missed your blog.

Maybe the Sheikh thought it was the motivation you needed. Insha Allah, I hope you don't let this dishearten you.

 
At 4/26/2007 12:34:00 AM, Blogger emlino said...

Hi!
I'm very glad with your return around here :) I think that you should be self motivated to this 'task'... You are the one that wants to learn, to grow,... so, that is enough reason to be motivated...
On the other hand, I guess you should always pray and not read... even to him... You know? He is one of the persons that you have to convert by the words... not to get from him any nice words but to teach him that the power of the words are not in anyone's head, anyone's mouth, anyone's dictation but in the heart... in your heart. Be sure that if you try to pray the words to someone, you'll be much more effective in learning their meaning and explaining their sense to the others.
Anyway, I will pray for your motivation... silently with my mouth, but loudly with my heart :)

 
At 4/26/2007 02:14:00 AM, Anonymous Unique Muslimah said...

Some teachers can be tough, but hey, as long as you know inside yourself that you're trying your best, who cares? Aslan so many people want to learn tajweed but don't have the motivation to even start, they keep postponing (hehe I'm talking about me), so alhamduliah you're actually doing it mashaAllah! Keep writing!

 
At 5/01/2007 12:39:00 PM, Blogger Me said...

Nesrina,
Wa eyaki ya gameela...what you said begad is too much!! InshAllah akun keda fe3lan w Rabena yattaqabal :-)

Safiya,
Thanks... I'm blushing :-D
You're right, she thought she was motivating me this way... and maybe she really did end up doing exactly that!! Coz the next class I recited the way I felt comfortable with the words and she thought it was beautiful... maybe she wanted me to break free from "copying" how a certain Sheikh reads... Jazaha Allah kol kheir

Emlino,
Thanks, and glad to see see you still visit my "abondoned blog" :-)
You're right ... self motivation is the key.. and that is what I was trying to do ... and God help me...

As for praying to Him in our words... I do that and it's one of the purest forms of praying to Him called Supplication.. I love it... but His words to us in the Quran touch us deeply and are so Divinely put and expressed...reading, understanding and reciting them is another form of connecting with Him...and it's beautiful :-)

Thanks for your loud prayers from your heart :-)

Unique,
Nice to see you on my blog! I'm not an active blogger like you mashAllah...so I tend to disappear from time to time ;-)

As for the motivation to get started... it took a few months!! I mean I tried with a certain "Daar" for a couple of months but I never got started coz their schedule wasn't right for me... then I decided to put an end to all that ... so I changed the Daar .. and hey... I started right away!! Sub7aan Allah... guess it had something to do with really wanting it then ... and that it was only then that my niyyah was really sadiqah!!
It's lovely btw... I'm sure you'd love it...

 
At 5/17/2007 05:29:00 PM, Blogger Jannah said...

this has happened to me a number of times... the demotivation, the never good enough attitude...
I used to get VERY upset at first... very discouraged and hurt...
I know you don't want praise, but if it's criticism, it better be productive.

I go to a Quraan teacher who if my voice gets too much feeling in it, she objects and tells me its a bed3a! She tells me it must be MONOTONOUS lol! So in her class, it's monotonous. She teaches me, and is really good with a7kam, so I'm holding on to her. But at home, and in my prayer, I do the same just like you.

Nesrina,
I agree with every word you said habibty. may Allah always let you help us and other muslimahs to remember how effective they could be :)

 
At 6/02/2007 04:58:00 PM, Blogger Me said...

Jannah,
SO you go through the same thing too !! Jazahom Allah khayran for teaching us... guess sometimes people are different ... like in the way they see how things should be done ... but as Amr Khaled says ... lets make these differences add to us :-) Rabena yewafa2ek ya gameela ...

And ameeeeeeen to your little doaa in the end :-)... ya Rab ej3alna sababan fe nasret Elislam ....

 

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