Living Life

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Still hurts ....

Yes .. it still does ... not the fact that he left me ... but "how" he left me... I don't think I will ever forget that ... ever.... Thank God I'm emotionally stable now ... 6 months after we broke up ... el7amdulilah ... I know we were not meant to be and that there was no "naseeb" .. and I've handled it ... it was hard to handle it though at the beginning ... why? ... simply cause he suddenly left .. so suddenly turned around... he seemed pre occupied that day ... asked him more than once to tell me what was wrong ... answer : "nothing nothing ... just stressed out .. loads of things on my mind .. work etc".... not like him to not tell me ... in our short engagement .. always confided in me and respected what I had to say... always turned to me in times of stress .... this time he said he just wants to be with me to enjoy our day ... I respected his wish .. didn't ask him again what was wrong... spent the rest of the day together, knowing that he'd tell me when he's ready to speak....ate till we were stuffed and bugged each other... looked in alleys we've never been to for a mosque to pray Asr .... talked about many things... work .... life ... ideas for charity work...memories of when his dad was having bypass heart surgery ... said he hasn't yet seen some of my cousins ... and I haven't seen his uncles... told him there was problem with one of the CDs he'd given me ... so he said he'd come and try and see what's wrong ..... looked at a really nice furniture shop and tried out sofas to see which was the comfiest and softest .... laughed about "made up" words that me and my brothers use and he learnt them.... looked at watches and we each picked what we thought the other would like ... and so on ........... all through it there was something wrong with him ... but he wouldn't say....

Next day his mum called and said weird things which indicated that we had to end it ... too complicated to write here ... not only complicated... contradicting and didn't make any sense ... don't think I can write it ... cause I won't know what to write ..... his mobile was switched off the whole day ... he just turned away and let his mum do the job ... why?

That part still hurts....

15 Comments:

At 9/14/2005 05:36:00 PM, Blogger Wonderer said...

You have to thank God that this relation is ended. He is a weak person who can't face his OWN decesions. If he was a MAN, he would have called you and told you himself that he is breaking up with you instead of delegating this to his mother.

 
At 9/15/2005 12:37:00 AM, Blogger AThird said...

As Salaam Alaikum,
I love it how you keep your faith in God and just leave it as "it wasn't mean to be". Alhumdulilah for your patience.

I hope you find someone better and are able to heal from this.

salaam

 
At 9/15/2005 10:53:00 AM, Blogger roora said...

yes ya Me i second Winderer in that, you should thank God that this relation was over , and the part tht hurts you and the fact that he left you for absolutely no reason and by this way and without even knowing what is wrong At all , will make it easier on you that you forgot the person.

It is really weird that he didn;t tell you what is wrong or his mother even did. I GUESS it is the fear of responsibility and God knows the Best.
Isa the right person will come to your life and make you happy.have faith in that

 
At 9/15/2005 12:01:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9/15/2005 12:04:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate when they do the mothers thing...ya3ni be a man keda and speak yourself out...it is something between 2, u don't need to involve a third party to make things out for you...
I am not helping out here mesh keda!!! sorry, bas asl I have been there...fa I understand shwaya...and honestly metghaza awi men el 7araka di :)
Kisses ya gamila...u know there will always be "NEXT" ;)

 
At 9/17/2005 04:04:00 PM, Blogger Bokbok said...

I know just how you feel...

Don't worry, time heals all wounds.

Have a nice weekend!
;)

 
At 9/17/2005 07:01:00 PM, Blogger Me said...

Wonderer... welcome to my blog .. I know what you mean and I also kept saying that to myself when it happened ... I wanted to call him and quietly say that to him ... but you know how it is in the "Egyptian society" ... if I'd tried to contact or face him .. it would've been interpreted differently... the weird thing is he was such a man of decisions ... I mean his life ... starting to volunteer at a very young age in a certain field .. then studying uni ... then putting his mind to doing a diploma while working in a different city ... then going for masters in the field he always loved and volunteered in ... wasn't easy to get the scholarship .. worked hard and left to study ... came back and decided to work in that field ... you know what I mean ? ... wouldn't expect him to be "mummy's boy" ...... anyway el7amdulilah... I've learnt a lot :-)

AThird... welcome here ... thanks :-) I'm far far better now..

Roora.... on the contrary ... not knowing why he left me was making it harder in the beginning.. I mean when you know the reason I think it's easier.. at least you're not trying to figure out why ... anyway .. el7amduliah Rabena was with me and I made it ... just want to stop hurting in that area ...

Nerro ... 7aga fe3lan tegheez...when I used to cry ... mama used to tell me not to and that he doesn't deserve that ... so I'd say "no ya mama, I'm crying men elgheiz" .... el7amdulilah that it's over

Yep Bokbok .. time does heal ... and is healing already thank God :-)

 
At 9/21/2005 03:58:00 AM, Blogger Jane said...

I was engaged to marry a wonderful young man. He was everything I'd always wanted and he was so adoring of me, so thoughtful, so loving. One day he abruptly stopped calling. He just disappeared from my life. I contacted him and he gave me no explaination...in fact he didn't really even break up with me. He just left. It was agonizing. I analyzed everything I said, everything I did. I could not understand what happened or why. I could have dealt with the relationship ending, but the way he did it and not knowing why almost drove me crazy. It's been nearly six years and although it was terribly difficult at first, it has gotten easier. I've come to accept that I may never know why he did this. I sympathize with you. I've been in your shoes. Things will get better.

 
At 9/21/2005 03:22:00 PM, Blogger aroundtheclock24_7 said...

May God be with you at all time and as usual " La Takrahou shay2an la3allahou khayroun" (don't hate anything bad for it might be for your benefit in a way or another).

Take care and best wishes all the time ;)

 
At 9/21/2005 03:39:00 PM, Blogger Me said...

OMG Jane!!! Sounds almost exactly the same as my story!!! Thanks a million for sharing it...
"I could have dealt with the relationship ending, but the way he did it and not knowing why almost drove me crazy" ... that's what hurt me most too ... but thank God I am better now and "sort of" accepting the fact that I may never know why he did this too ...

aroundtheclock24_7 : Thanks for your prayers ... yep ..I know that isA it was for the best :-)

 
At 9/22/2005 01:27:00 AM, Blogger Jane said...

I think the most important thing to remember, Me, is that is wasn't us; it was them. There is probably nothing we could have done to change the outcome. We both obviously got involved with men that appeared to be one thing but were something else inside. Sometimes my heart still hurts over this, but with much less frequency and intensity. Acceptance will come in time, when you are ready.

 
At 9/22/2005 07:01:00 PM, Blogger Me said...

Thanks for your support Jane :-) .. just read something I wanted to share with you

"It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult cicumstances in the future and to inspire others to do so as well."

(The 7 Habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey)

 
At 9/25/2005 02:06:00 AM, Blogger Dalulla said...

Me and Jane..

WEll that makes three of us with an almost exact story.. Only Jane and i have had sor of something similar. The young men disappeared, with no mothers in the middle concluding the relationship.

However, at my end there was a mother that wanted to reunite again (his) but i did not allow it, I told her we must respect his choice and stay distant.

I stayed for years not knowing the reason, it sure was painful because i was literally head over heals with Dr. Perfect! He was and still is in many senses, may he always be happy (really from my heart) and my GOd forgive him for the pain he has caused me.

What made it more and more difficult for me was the fact that we were relatives!!!
Yes not first cousins or anything but still relatives. His mom loved me and still does. The look in her eyes every time we met was what made it worse for me and the pictures of him all over her home realy caused me pain (which i avoided to visit for quite some time) In both homes there were pictures of me and him almost every where! But at my end those were removes almost immediately and the smallest bit was half a centimeter!!! covered in my tears and pain that is.

Now the passing away of his younger brother was so difficult (he was a brother to me too in a sense cause i loved him like an older brother, Allah yer7amo, may god forgive him).
It happened outside Egypt and they were together which i am sure was the worst experience ever for him. I was asked to go to their home and the second person he walked to and threw himself at was me. Which was "the most difficult" feeling i had to go through. I automatically had to put any dissapointments aside because the loss was greater and stronger than any other feeling could be. many things happened. But I did ask him a couple of years later what the reason was, and he asked why i hadn't spoken up earlier (in a strange tone as if asking me why i did not tackle this issue earlier maybe things would have gotten back the way they used to, not to mention i was told earlier that he hinted he wants back... but it was too late for that anyway) His answer was "I did not feel we were compatible -AT ""THAT""" TIME ..... ) go figure... I told him thanks A LOT.. he wanted to talk more but i was going to cry and ended the call telling him i just needed closure and would not discuss the subject any further.

Me, the feeling of being hurt when you remember will not vanish, I don't mean to burden you. But the emotional person i think i got to know in you will not heal completley. THese are things that we do not and i think cannot forget or ignore, but can just get used to and learn to accept (I guess).

Some things leave very deep marks (in my case... scars! not necessarily accompanied with apathy but pain), especially when they had been going so well. But all i can say is you'll learn to live with what reminants of a heart burn you will keep getting every time you remember him and gradually it won't be a very strong heart burn but more like a quick sting.

The other thing I really want to encourage you to do is to forgive him (Prophet Muhammed said, iltames le akhaka bed3an wa sab3ouna outhr, give your brother seventy something reasons. I believe He said so to encourage us to be forgiving and understadning as best as we can). Yes forgive him and also ask God to make you and him happy with whomever Destiny has in store for you.

You never know maybe none of you would have been able to make one another happy as husband and wife. My step mother taught me something very valuable, may God put it in her wieght of good deeds isa, she told me that when your loved ones abandon you say "Allahoma Ighnina 3an man Istaghna 3ana" and i would add, wardina bima katabtaho lana fi ma7yana wa mamatna wa 3akibati oumorina.

Oh God, help us to let go of those who let go of us, and I would add, help us to be content with what you have destined for us in this life and after life and the conclusions of all our matters.

Love you all.. I believe we all do in a many senses love one another and care too, that is in itself a beautiful feeling, to be cared for by people we have never met in person and yet enjoy such support and love amongst us all, near or far, Arab and non arab. May God join us all with a great umbrella of love, care and endless support now and always, Amen :-)

 
At 9/25/2005 06:26:00 PM, Blogger Me said...

Dalulla ,
Thanks for your support dear :-) you guys really make me feel better wAllahi....
But about forgiving him ... I haven't yet risen to the level of doing that.. I know that it is better to do so .. and that the reward from God for doing so is great... but I can't ... not just yet...

 
At 9/26/2005 02:48:00 AM, Blogger Jane said...

I feel so much better knowing that this hasn't just happened to me...I still see B's family often. His parents are wonderful to me and his sisters both lament that I am not their sister-in-law. I've spoken to B several times over the years. A few times I've been brave enough to ask why? To this day he still says "I don't know." Dallula is right, the pain will never completely go away but it does lessen over time. We should start a support group or something for women who've been abandoned without explaination, eh? My best wishes to you both.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home